CPSIA - CPSC Shows Its True Colors in the Annals of Absurdity

In a move calculated to test the limits of what I can get you to believe, the CPSC last week conducted a raid in New York City to confiscate imported chocolate Easter eggs to save America from a choking hazard. 

This event has garnered a little bit of publicity.  I wonder why . . . .   Seems so logical.

Here is a picture provided by Fox News coverage of this event.  I wonder who was there to capture the moment on film . . . .

You can see that the CPSC really means business now. The safety of children is just too IMPORTANT.

Admiring retailers could not wait to sing the CPSC's praises:

"Jigs Patel, who recently opened the London Candy Co. on the Upper East Side, where he is importing candy from the U.K., had already run out of his Kinder eggs by the time he got his visit from a CPSC official just before Easter.  'They obviously took this very seriously,' Patel said. 'I actually found it very amusing. It's a bloody chocolate with a toy inside. It's not smuggling crack cocaine.'"  [Emphasis added]

Perhaps strangely, the American public did not immediately appreciate the service provided by the federal government:  "[Mr. Patel] said that customers in the store that day found it funny, too. 'They were like, 'Don't they have better things to do than hunt down Kinder eggs?' The phone at London Candy Co. rang off the hook after DNAinfo's article ran with people seeking the hard-to-find chocolates. 'The phone went nuts,' Patel said. "The people still want it.'"  [Emphasis added]

As the Village Voice notes, "[c]hildren in Europe, where the eggs are manufactured, are apparently more impervious to choking than their American counterparts, or perhaps their parents are less inclined to let them eat plastic."  Still, other news outlets noted the severity of the safety threat:  "At least two children, one in England and one in Ireland, died after choking on the toys roughly 20 years ago, according to reports. . . . 'It is an ongoing investigation,' [CPSC spokesman Stacey] Palosky said. 'We want to continue to alert parents about these around Easter. We want parents to know these should not be in children's hands.'"

It's an ongoing investigation of the incidents 20 years ago.  Must find the real killers . . . .

Thanks, Mom!

Your tax dollars at work!  What would we EVER do without these guys protecting us so ably?

Dreaming of another budget crisis so we can find out . . . .

CPSIA - More Lives "Saved" by the CPSIA Database

These breathtaking database entries were submitted to me by Anonymous in a comment on my previous database blogpost.  Lest you should miss these little gems, I am reposting them here for your reading pleasure.  These are real filings, paid for by your tax dollars.  I have provided links in case you are skeptical.

And why did Anonymous submit this comment anonmymously?  "Submitted anonymously, because hey, if they can."

Indeed. . . .

Mirrored screen protector for IPhone  [Eyes "zapped" by the iPhone - ouch!!]

I purchased a mirrored screen protector for my I- phone, within one week I was having pain, sensitivity, and weariness in my eyes. It took me a few days to figure out what had happened but I am certain that the mirrored quality of that screen saver is very harsh on eyes. Three days after purchasing the screen protector, I noticed while on my drive to work that the world seemed somehow much brighter, I had to wear sunglasses while driving on an overcast day, still there was just to much light. . . . At some point during that week I glance at my phone while at a stop light, the reflection absoloutley zapped my eyeballs. It was very painful and took several minutes to recover. . . . Several years ago I had had sunglasses with a similar reflective, mirror like quality and ultimately threw them away because they were so harsh on my eyes. I think this product would be particularly harmful to people who suffer fro migraines and I would be curious to know what safety testing it underwent.  [Emphasis added]

CFL Light Bulb  [Hope you're sitting down - CFL bulbs have mercury in them. Thanks, Eagle Eye!]

CFL bulb located in a lamp above kitchen table. My wife turned the lamp on and it immediately exploded, glass fragments landed on the kitchen table where my kids where sitting. As these things also contain Mercury! They should be banned!

Exploding Potato in Microwave  [Note to CPSC - get working on that potato recall.  It's URGENT!]

At 11am this morning i placed a potatoe in my microwave and pressed the bake potato button on the key pad approx. 3 min later my entire microwave was engolfed in flames. My house was filling with smoke flames were shooting out of the microwave door my hudsband opened the door and threw a bucket of water on the entire wall over my stove. I called 911 and they assessed the microwave and did testing with a heat devise on the wall behind and above cuboards to make sure fire was out and informed me that heat level was extremly high and good thing i was right there to put out fire. . . . I was told by all 3 companys that there in fact had not been a recall on this product and for me to contact their legal dept if unsatisfied with their service. They also informed me that if a product is recalled it is only warrantied for 90 days. I asked so if my house burns down because of one of your products that has been recalled over 90 days ago you are not liable for that? They then told me to contact their legal dept they couldnt help me with this matter...

[But what about the potato?  What about the potato???]

Britax Vigour stroller manufactured 10/2006  [It's just too dangerous to allow strollers to unfold.]

I was taking the stroller out of my car and I had the latch on. As I pulled it out to place the stroller on the ground it began to open and the latch failed. I was unable to stop it due to the weight of the stroller and it opened and caught the skin of my abdomen. It was trapped and I was unable to get it off for nearly 5 minutes. I was alone in a parking lot with my baby in his car seat in the car. Once I got it off I was in extreme pain and had pinch markings and bleeding. The next day My abdomen had a 6" bruise. I still currently 8 months later have a very bad scar that I do not think will ever go away. I feel that this stroller is unsafe and have been terrified to use it ever since.  [Emphasis added]

Oven to table cookware (sold by QVC)  [Is the CPSC certifying consumers as authorized test labs now?]

I ordered Temp-tations cookware from QVC. It is handpainted in China. I tested it for lead paint and the result was positive. I conducted the test several times.

[I don't know about YOU, but I am convinced!  Actually, I'm not.  We sell to QVC, and their safety practices are top notch and uncompromising.]

Handpainted Dinnerware  [This one DEFINITELY will save lives - did you know glassware gets hot in the microwave?  Who knew?!  Thanks for looking out for us, Congress.]

I have some Gibson dinnerware and some of it, especially the cups, get so hot when put in the microwave that you cannot touch them when they used to reheat or heat fluids. The handles get so hot they burn your finger so badly. Several times they have gotten so hot I have dropped the cup and broken them as have the plates been dropped. I am concerned that the dinnerware may be high in metal content.

Reply:  Not knowing the specific product that the consumer has, we can not provide any detail about the material used. There are some materials used that are more porous than other materials. the more porous the material the hotter that it will become to the touch. These products Gibson Overseas marks as 'Will Get Hot in the Microwave".

[I call this a public service!]

Pottery Park Designs "Village Collection"   [Some of these filers should get together to compare notes.]

About 2 years ago I purchased some dinnerware, I believe it is pottery. It is made by Park Designs, called Village Collection. It's taken me this long to learn that it is not Microwave safe, even though it states that on the bottom. It gets hot enough to burn fingers.

Reply:  All of our Dinnerware and Bake ware are tested for US FDA Leachable Lead and Cadmium, California Prop 65, Dishwasher Safe ,Microwave Safe at BUREAU VERITAS Hong Kong Limited. We have never had a claim such as this.  Any dish placed in a microwave with food in it will conduct heat and will depend on the time and level of energy used to determine the heat of the dish.  We consider the product safe for use.

[I have $20 that says the responder was not saying everything on his/her mind . . . .]

Expedition LX Jogging Stroller   [Note to Self:  Remove baby before folding stroller. Check twice before putting away, too.  Mistakes happen, you know.]

The consumer says the handles on each side of the stroller that are oval shaped, meant to fold up the stroller. The oval openings are also for handling the stroller in the fold position to carry around. Consumer says when child is in the stroller, the child can stick his arm straight through the oval openings. Consumer says her child is 17 months old, and feels he can break his forearm with this product. Consumer contacted manufactuer and they offered no assistance and told her the child must have not been properly strapped in. Consumer says it doesnt matter if child is strapped in or not, they can still get their hands stuck in the oval openings.

Reply:  The report states that a child can stick his arms through the handle openings. The report also states that they feel a child can break his forearm with this product. Baby Trend has thoroughly evaluated the report but is unable to determine any such risk as reported. The product meets all requirements of ASTM standards, including requirements for maximum and minimum opening sizes, as demonstrated by numerous third-party tests. Baby Trend is unable to gain any additional information from the person reporting because they did not provide any contact information. Baby Trend believes the product is safe when used properly.

Intex Kidie Float #59586  [Used float purchased at thrift store does not perform as expected.  Hmmmm.]

No injury occurred because I was testing the device when I discovered the malfuction. . . . I purchased the kiddie float brand new in its original packaging from a local thrift store. It was purchased a few months ago. I took it out of it's packag this morning and blew it up to test it as we were planning on going to the pool today. I wanted to be sure there were no leaks. The stem cover opened on it's own after i blew it up and securly closed it into the device. I tried it again- I blew it up closed the stem cover inserted it into the floatation device and once again the pressure from the air in the floatation toy pushed the cap opened. This is extremely dangerous as it can cause a childs toy to deflate while in use in the pool and cause a possible drowning. . . . I due need to add that I later noticed that this product is for 2 and under and so I would have not used the device anyway since my child is 25 months old, but my child was NOT in it when I tested it and it malfunctioned!

Reply:  We contacted the submitter of the complaint and the issue of the valve not staying in place has corrected itself after the product, which was manufactured in 2003, regained its normal shape after being tightly folded in its original package for 8 years. The valve also has a self sealing function that limits the leakage of air if the cap is not properly inserted into the valve preventing sudden loss of air. In addition, the caregiver is warned to never leave the baby unattended and to always keep the baby at arm’s reach in the unlikely event that the float would lose air or any other issue arise. The submitter sent us the product and we have verified that it is functioning properly. Whenever using any children’s product, especially one intended for use in water, it is very important to ensure that it is functioning properly before being used. Any product that is malfunctioning, broken, missing parts or in need of repair should never be used. We applaud the submitter’s diligence in checking the function of the item prior to use.

[Can't argue with that last bit.  Emphasis added.]

CPSIA - Comment to My Blogpost

I received this comment on my recent blog on lead:

"I am a victim of lead poisoning.

In one of Dana Bests written testimonies to Congress she suggests that the lead limit should be 40 parts per million, half of the 80 parts per million level at which a child loses 1/2 an IQ point. Given that she made no mention of blood levels or absorbability she seems to imply that 80 ppm in substrate = loss of 1/2 point of IQ.

Give these facts I can calculate my lost IQ. I was born with an IQ of approximately 6,350.

You see, as a child I played with solid lead toy soldiers. I started fishing at a young age and handled lead fishing weights frequently. I helped my dad make large fishing weights for bottom fishing with melted lead. Worst of all I clamped lead split shot onto fishing line with my teeth.

It's tragic really, the loss of over 6,000 IQ points. I could have solved world hunger. I could have unified relativity and quantum mechanics. Instead I'm just a normal IT guy.

Dana Best, with the help of her special calculator, is about to usher in a new age of soaring IQs. Soon we will all live forever and never get sick.

But this may never happen if we don't hold a righteous fear of lead in our heart.

Vote Democrat - BE AFRAID."

CPSIA - Good News and Bad News (Update No. 1)

Tokyo tap water is no longer suitable for babies 12 months or younger. The impact of the Fukushima nuclear disaster spreads. Black smoke is seen coming out of Unit 3 at the nuclear plant and workers are evacuated again. Won't be allowed back for 24 hours. Not to worry you . . . but they have no idea why it's smoking. Japanese Broccoli is now found to give you a healthy glow (an extra "benefit") and the import of many Japanese foods from the region have been banned by the U.S. FDA and by Hong Kong, soon to be followed by South Korea. One Austrian scientist says this disaster will be similar to Chernobyl, and their crud is blowing over here.

Back on the home front, we are not worried about radioactivity from Japan. Harmless! Rather than focusing on the impact of nuclear material showering down on us from the heavens, into our food, our water, our produce, onto our skin and breathed into our lungs every moment of the day now, those valiant defenders of children, the CPSC, will be holding a highly-publicized hearing on pool drains - because a newspaper currently in bankruptcy hired an uncertified lab to perform tests on drain covers that have not apparently been involved in injuries. This is a TOP priority of our nurturing government. Who says we don't need more government? Come on, baby, give me MORE!

Of course, I make light - after all, I am a blogger, I must do so. The real scourge for children, as anyone can tell you, is not airborne radioactive material, but lead - which is why our CPSC has worked so tirelessly for three years to identify dangerous items like ballpoint pens, rhinestones, brass bushings on toy car wheels, ATV engine blocks, bicycle frames and bicycle vinyl seats, branding them as unsuitable for sale (or exposure) to children under 13 years of age.

Of course, there's plenty of legal mumbo-jumbo to consider, provisos and the like. Having carefully sorted out the hazard, our CPSC has determined that pens are only dangerous if they are intended for use by children. [Ballpoint pens have a tiny brass ball at the ink end, and brass contains 2-4% lead by weight. I bet you're scared now!] The ACTUAL USE of pens is not the health concern - what matters instead is what the manufacturer intended - you know, their state of mind at the time of sale. Hasn't your mother ever told you that it's what's in your heart that REALLY matters? The CPSC took this on board. After much cogitating, they determined that it's not a problem if 100% of children use ballpoint pens - no, it's only a problem if kids use a ballpoint pen INTENDED for use by children. THAT'S unacceptably dangerous and big penalties and recalls can result if you step over the line. They must have figured out that the state of mind of the manufacturer changes the physical character of the pen - pens literally take on the power to harm when a manufacturer thinks about selling them to kids!

It's a good thing we employ so many scientists at the CPSC. I hate to think about the crazy rules they'd come up with if they didn't have such a solid grounding in real science. Of course, they also employ many lawyers . . . . Could it be the lawyers???

Of course, I jest. The CPSC is certainly right - how could such an august organization err? And experts have told them they're right - that's a double-check right there. At the February 16th hearing on the 100 ppm lead standard, Don Mays from Consumers Union, a REAL expert, kicked off his testimony by reminding the Commission that there is NO safe level for lead. [I did not provide you with a clip of those magical words, but you can dig them up yourself if you don't believe me.] Mr. Mays was joined on the consumer group panel by another RENOWNED expert, Dr. Dana Best of the American Academy of Pediatrics. Mr. Mays and Dr. Best had a revealing dialogue with Commissioner Anne Northup on the horrors of brass instruments. You will see that the CPSC has no choice, the risks to children are so severe. Here's a transcript (you can see the video here):

AN: "Do you think that children that are in the 3rd and 4th grade should be prohibited from playing brass instruments considering the lead content of that brass?"

DM: "I think children should not be exposed to lead unnecessarily. And children in the 3rd and 4th grade, I have a daughter in the 4th grade and I certainly wouldn't want her to be exposed to lead if that was coming from an instrument."

AN: "So you would not let her play, like, the horn."

DM: "I would be very concerned about that, that's for sure. She does not play the horn, she plays the violin. Ha Ha Ha."

DB: "The mouthpieces on most of those instruments are not brass."

AN: "Yes, exactly. But they're holding them. They sling them around and hold them. . . . They could practice at night and play it every day during class. That would mean an every day exposure. I just wondered if that would alarm you."

DB: "Uh, it would alarm me that children were exposed unnecessarily to lead. And that's again the responsibility of the CPSC to determine, to look at the studies on individual cases. I'm here to talk about the harms of lead to children and how they need to be protected."

Frankly, I can't remember if Ms. Northup started banging her head against a wall at that point or not . . . .

With this kind of counsel, you can rest assured that the CPSC has its priorities straight. Don Mays and Dana Best are on the case! Just PLEASE don't mention bicycle licking . . . .

CPSIA - Good News and Bad News

Here's the scoop: there is no safe level for lead but apparently there ARE safe levels for radiation.

According to reports today, the radiation from nuclear material drifting over from Japan is "harmless". No one should worry one little bit even though the Japanese radioactive material is now on the EAST Coast of the U.S.: "Since last week, the officials have tracked the radioactive plume as it has drifted eastward on prevailing winds from Japan — first to the West Coast and now over the East Coast and the Atlantic, moving toward Europe. . . . On Monday, European officials said the plume had reached the East Coast after drifting over North America. One station that detected the fresh radioactivity is in Charlottesville, Va., officials said."

This is not a problem, believe me. For one thing, it's not lead, for heavens sake - it's only iodine-131, iodine-132, tellurium-132 and cesium 137. You probably put that stuff on your cereal, tough guy!

The radiation levels are so low that the experts won't release them. They probably don't want to bother us, the levels are so low. "The global network of the Comprehensive Test Ban Treaty Organization, an arm of the United Nations in Vienna, has detected the movements of the plume. The organization’s mandate is to monitor the global ban on the testing of nuclear arms, and it has more than 60 stations that sniff the air for radiation spikes. The group has declined to make the recent findings public, but it shares its information with 120 member states, some of which have divulged the status of the plume’s movements."

Experts point out that radioactivity is everywhere, what's the problem with a little more???



The federal government apparently agrees with this guy: "While the news of these radioactive substances being detected may startle some residents, the EPA has emphasized that the normal daily dose of radiation is 100,000 times higher than the radiation found at these monitoring stations. Every day, people are exposed to radiation unknowingly. Radiation is present in food, air, water, and even our homes, all of which are natural sources of it. Increased exposure to radiation can come from medical procedures and industrial occupations as well." [Emphasis added]

This is in interesting contrast to lead which as everyone knows is dangerous down to one lone, little atom. I know this because pseudo-scientists like American Academy of Pediatrics (fearful of bicycle licking!) and Consumers Union (terrified about 4th graders playing brass instruments!) have repeated over and over that there is NO safe level for lead. NO safe level, kids! They're experts so they must know, right??? At least they say they're experts . . . .

These folks pushed Congressional patsies to impose an outright ban on ANY children's product that might emit ANY lead into the human body. [Section 101(b) of the CPSIA] The CPSC Commission (really, the Democrats on the Commission) helpfully interpreted Section 101(b) to refer to ANY lead, meaning one atom. Nothing ON EARTH can be exempted on this basis, so nothing has been given a pass under the lame-o exemption provision of the act. Had trouble finding choices in new children's bikes this year? Want to buy a youth model ATV? Remember the days when you could buy rhinestones to embellish your children's shoes or pants or in the form of cheap jewelry without resorting to the black market? You can thank Section 101(b) for this absurd situation. L&K to the AAP and CU (and let's not forget the Queen Bee of the zealots, Rachel Weintraub of the CFA) for all this safety!

Thank heavens that AAP, CU and CFA aren't worried about radioactivity. That means there MUST BE safe levels of radioactivity . . . . I see, Fukushima prefecture spinach or milk isn't really dangerous - but it will give you a healthy glow!

CPSIA - Congress Turns to Regulating Signs

CPSIA - Essay Contest or . . . Detention Punishment?

I know what you are thinking: how can I channel all this excess energy I have? What could really soak up a lot of time, and provide intellectual stimulation at the very same time? It can be so frustrating to have oodles of time and nothing to do . . . .

Luckily for you, the Society for Standards Professionals (SES) have a contest for you to enter. It's their 2011 World Standards Day Paper Competition. The topic for your award-winning essay must meet this description: “'Advancing Safety and Sustainability Standards Worldwide,' recognizes that issues of safety and sustainability are important causes for stakeholders around the world, from alternative energies and environmental protection to the safety of products, services, homes, and workplaces. As governments, organizations, and individuals alike strive to address these transnational challenges, globally relevant standards provide the technological and scientific foundations that drive health, safety, and environmental innovation."

Okay, I know that's not English, but heck, they are Standards engineers. What did you expect?

The project might have died there . . . but fortunately, my trade association, the Toy Industry Association, provided outstanding translation services so we could all get in on the fun:

"As recently reported to TIA members, the U.S. Celebration of World Standards Day 2011 taking place on October 13, 2011 in Washington, D.C. includes a unique opportunity for toy industry stakeholders to describe (in writing) the crucial role that global toy safety standards serve in protecting children today and for future generations … and take home some fantastic cash prizes!" [Emphasis added[

Now, that's a Rockin' n Rollin' idea for you. The crucial role of Global Toy Safety Standards - I love it! Of course, the contest also sounds like some sort of detention punishment. "Now write 'Safety is nice' on the chalkboard 100 times in neat handwriting!" Well, Mr. Grumbler, life is how you choose to look at it, so stop moaning and get to work. You'll never win the big prize by feeling sorry for yourself.

Here are a few suggested winning essay titles. I would welcome any other ideas you have because I want one of my readers to WIN that cash prize!

a. "Cadmium-for-Lead: How Global Standards Set Me Straight!"

b. "What?! No One Told Me Small Parts Were Bad! ANSI to the Rescue."

c. "If It's Illegal Here, It Must Be Illegal Everywhere. Waste Haulers Laud New Global Toy Safety Standards."

d. "Let Me Chew on That. . . . Global Toy Standards Finally Regulate Common Sense!"

e. "Never Heard of Selenium? ANSI Has . . . Thank G-d."

f. "Shards of Glass No More. Global Toy Standards Stand Tall!"

g. "There Are New Global Toy Standards? Somebody Should Tell Our Firewalled Test Lab."

CPSIA - Our Worst Nightmare: A Recall Involving Spiders!

In a shocking development, Mazda yesterday recalled 65,000 cars in North America because of spiders in the gas tank. Talk about hidden hazards! Lenore Skenazy pointed out in a recent article that five Americans die because of spider bites every year. And cars are coated in lead paint, to boot. Obviously, cars are just too dangerous to be on U.S. roads. Thank heavens Mazda took decisive action before tragedy struck. . . .

Needless to say, it is only a matter of time before Rep. Henry Waxman calls for hearings to interrogate Mazda management. Did they check the electronics? No, Mazda blamed the drivers for the spiders. . . . And what if Senator Dick Durbin reads about these spiders in the Chicago Tribune over breakfast? I can see another letter coming. And who will Dick Durbin write? The current Administrator of NHTSA is David Strickland, formerly the senior Senate staffer largely responsible for the Senate's role for creating our beloved CPSIA. Check out Rep. John Dingell's "gushing" remarks about the contribution of the Senate to that great legislative achievement. Durbin and Strickland, that "A Team" will get it done for the American public!

Spiders, cars and lead paint. It's a consumer advocate's worst nightmare. This requires a LEGISLATIVE SOLUTION, guys!

CPSIA - Fun with Lead!

Hey kids, don't try this at home! Discovery Channel's MythBusters Show plays with molten lead.

Lead is a neurotoxin, in case you forgot. Molten lead is soluble lead, very dangerous if ingested. Of course, molten lead presents OTHER risks if ingested. We need a law against molten lead now!

Check out their experiment. It's completely irrelevant to the CPSIA but then again, my sense of humor has been underserved for a few years now and I love a good if pointless experiment.

CPSIA - Taking Advice from Idiots

In a recent article entitled "Advice on avoiding a toxic Christmas", USA Today attempted to take Christmas paranoia to new heights. Naturally, the premise of the article is that companies are criminally irresponsible or venal and certainly can't be trusted, and consumer advocates and any pediatrician that will talk to a reporter are better people, better informed and by definition trustworthy. In this article, USA Today's Liz Szabo consults "experts" to reach the following conclusions:

a. "No one knows how much lead people absorb from holiday decorations, says pediatrician Bruce Lanphear, of Canada's Simon Fraser University." And if he said it, it must be true. [Of course, pediatrician Philip Landrigan, of Mount Sinai School of Medicine in New York, notes "In the whole scheme of things, is it a huge risk? No."]

What's the problem with Xmas lights, you say? Lead in the PVC. According to Alicia Voorhiess, a mom with a blog, manufacturers "use it" in the PVC. Right - you got us! Don't worry, though, after much digging, she found two companies that offer Xmas lights which comply with Restriction of Hazardous Substances (RoHS), a European standard which limits the presence of lead in lights.

Ummm, Alicia, RoHS is a standard to designed to prevent leaching of heavy metals to protect the environment and only applies to electronics. This MEANS that the lead is restricted in the bulbs and fittings, not the PVC. Whatever, it sounds safer, doesn't it?

The author of the article quotes Dr. Alan Greene (my college classmate) saying that you should handle your Xmas lights with gloves. Why stop there? Moon suits, anyone?

b. Artificial Christmas trees are made of PVC, too, and we know what manufacturers are wont to do with PVC. The solution - use a real tree grown without pesticides.

I find this a most uncreative solution, myself. Here's a few more:

• Post a picture of a beautiful tree near the spot you might have placed your tree. Keep it away from the fire, however.
• Consider just displaying your Xmas lights in their packaging. No touching!
• Use an artificial tree, but place under a glass enclosure or something air tight like Saran Wrap. Stand at least five feet away at all times.

All of these remedies will protect you from lead. That said, please remember there is NO safe level for lead. And a holy, jolly Christmas to you, too!

Shame that USA Today didn't focus in on the fact that there is lead in the air, in our water and in our food. OOPSIE! In fact, lead in water is conveniently piped into Washington, D.C. homes for kids to drink in their own bathrooms and kitchens. Nice! Somehow USA Today missed this. Shocking . . . .

c. Candles with metal wicks might also have lead in them, or then again, maybe they won't. In a blow to poorly-researched newspaper articles, the CPSC apparently banned these wicks in 2003. Who knew the CPSC actually tried to its job before the CPSIA? Somebody should have told Congress.

According to this all-knowing newspaper, candles also contain paraffin, a wax made from petroleum. Not sure why I should care about that, but it sounds ominous. And some fragrances in candles have phthalates in them "which can affect the hormonal system". Isn't knowing nothing about science FUN???

The solution - The author of this article actually recommends that you use pure beeswax candles. Happy hunting! They also suggest you "poke cloves into oranges". Ah, the old clove poking trick! That sounds like fun but IS IT SAFE? This article says oranges have lead in them. NO! And, for an extra kicker, it also says they have cadmium, too: "If the soils contain toxic metals like lead, mercury and cadmium then the consumers may be poisoned as happened in the "Ouchi-ouchi" disease in Japan . . . and similar episodes." Wow, Ouchi-Ouchi! Scott Wolfson, do you hear a bell ringing? [Eating oranges didn't cause "Ouchi-Ouchi" but then again, researching these things is sooooo time-consuming.]

So there you go. Skip Christmas this year, too dangerous. I wonder if a Festivus pole is lead-free . . . .

CPSIA - Lead Isn't the ONLY Danger Out There . . . .

The Onion News Network broke a controversial story today about yet another danger caused by modern society.

CPSIA - Cadmium Crisis Explained

Scratching your head about the mounting crisis over cadmium? Let's see, the CPSC declares the Shrek glasses "not toxic" but still pushes for a recall of these safe products "in an abundance of caution". Apparently, the CPSC either believes that perfectly safe products should be recalled in an abundance of caution or that they themselves can't figure out what's "dangerous" anymore. Not a single article or a single person to my knowledge has identified a single injury caused by cadmium in a consumer product - EVER.

[Oops, SORRY, there is a consumer product closely associated with cadmium intake: " Tobacco smoking is the most important single source of cadmium exposure in the general population. . . . The absorption of cadmium from the lungs is much more effective than that from the gut, and as much as 50% of the cadmium inhaled via cigarette smoke may be absorbed. On average, smokers have 4-5 times higher blood cadmium concentrations and 2-3 times higher kidney cadmium concentrations than non-smokers. . . . No significant effect on blood cadmium concentrations could be detected in children exposed to environmental tobacco smoke." Time to stop smoking, guys - that's big news, apparently.]

Of course, we shouldn't ignore the fact that the people who are terrorizing America over cadmium are the very same people who are pushing for deep and invasive regulation of all chemicals throughout our society. It's the anti-chemicals crowd behind the cadmium panic. Mr. Waxman's big goal is the reform of the Toxic Substances Control Act (TSCA). Arguably, the CPSIA is the opening shot in his TSCA battle, which explains his utter intransigence in the face of well-documented catastrophes caused by the CPSIA. Cadmium is perfect for that purpose, especially since no one seems to understand the nature of the threat. Just mention cadmium and "bone softening" and the media and politicians melt.

Anyhow, I was wondering how cadmium became so scary. I realize that cadmium is dangerous under certain limited circumstances - but so are many other things that Americans like to use, such as fire, water . . . and guns. It is obviously time for some research. To help you out, I have provided many useful links below. The history of cadmium is VERY revealing. Here's what I found out:

The discovery of cadmium came long after Rachel Weintraub and Henry Waxman attended school. Back in the olde days when they were educated, the Periodic Table had a different look:



In those days, when chemistry teachers taught the periodic table, position 48 was known as Puppy Dogs. Chemistry instructors typically explained that this element was responsible for sunshine, candy, love and (of course) puppy dogs. Everything that was good and sweet in our idyllic lives were attributable to Puppy Dogs. Element 48, also known as "Smiley Face", was always the element children liked best. Most lessons were taught staring dreamily out the window at the playground, watching small children frolic and play. Puppy Dogs was good stuff.

The role of Puppy Dogs in our lives and the American Way was a foundation belief in the scientific community for many years.

Later, science took a dark turn. In 2007, scientists in Congress discovered to their horror that lead (Pb) was not only present on the periodic table just two squares away from Puppy Dogs but that lead was a contaminant in certain consumer products. At this time, science had not advanced far enough for Congressional scientists to know that lead has been on the Earth since creation and is found in everything including our food, water and air. Once Congressional scientists were able to detect trace levels of lead in consumer products, a specialist in the Top Secret Congressional Skunk Works connected the dots - "What about kids? If they play with Puppy Dogs, it's just two squares away from LEAD!" This is what prompted passage of the CPSIA.

Am I being too science-y? Sorry.

As you know, science marches on and in a very recent 2010 development, scientists at the Consumer Federation of America, led by Rachel Weintraub, and at the CPSC discovered that Puppy Dogs was actually NOT the 48th element. After urgent research into how sunlight was created if not by Puppy Dogs, cadmium was discovered accidentally when someone pulled on their earlobe while deep in thought.

Here's what Wikipedia says about this Nobel Prize winning discovery:

"Cadmium is a chemical element with the symbol Cd and atomic number 48. Cadmium represents a low point in American science education. In a little known provision of the "Treaty of the Meter" signed by the United States in 1878 signalling the promising beginning of the metric movement in our country, the 48th position of the periodic table was deemed to be a Smiley Face and called "Puppy Dogs". American science, never questioning this regulation, eventually traced the origins of sunshine and love back to this phantom element. In early 2010, scientists at the U.S. House of Representatives noticed that lead (Pb) was located near Puppy Dogs on the periodic table, and in a rapid series of science-y experiments, determined that Puppy Dogs was actually a soft, bluish-white metal chemically similar to the two other metals in group 12, zinc and mercury. Frighteningly, experiments have determined that cadmium, if dumped into a river in massive quantities as mining run-off over a period of decades, will cause bone softening in nearby populations ("Ouch-Ouch Sickness" is also known as one of the Four Big Pollution Diseases of Japan)."

So that brings you up-to-date on cadmium, bone softening and toxicity. I hope this helps you understand why your Congress and the CPSC are trying to save you from dangerous cadmium. Apparently, you need a lot of "saving". In my case, I am just going to stop drinking from rivers downstream from WWII mining operations in Japan. That should probably be enough protection for me.

CPSIA - What Does "Not Toxic" Mean?

Apparently, certain people who should know better have asserted that "not toxic" does NOT connote safety. They implausibly argue that it's "not the same thing". In other words, the argument goes that if you were to contend that something is "not toxic", it is somehow different than saying that it's "safe". I beg to differ. Certain people apparently think I don't "get it".

We should check that out, don't you think?

I am pretty sure these certain people are native speakers of English, so we can't go there.

Mr. Dictionary stepped up to resolve this difficulty. Here are some definitions that may help sort this out. Some dictionaries do not define "non-toxic", relying instead on the definition of the root word "toxic". I hope you, too, can make this leap.

a. American Heritage Dictionary (Official Edition): This is on my desk for just such an occasion. "Toxic" is defined as "Of or caused by a toxin or poison". The definition of a "toxin" is (in relevant part) "a substance, produced by a plant, animal or microorganism that . . . is capable of producing poisoning when introduced into the body . . . ." A "poison" is "a substance that causes injury, illness or death, esp. by chemical means". So I derive that "not toxic" means that the substance in question will NOT cause "injury, illness or death". I think you might call such a thing "safe".

b. The Free Dictionary: Two definitions of "nontoxic": (i) not producing or resulting from poison, and (ii) safe to eat. So according to this dictionary, "not toxic" means you can eat it safely. Not sure I'd recommend that for, say, a painted glass, but perhaps other people would.

c. Wikipedia: "Toxicity" is defined as "the degree to which a substance is able to damage an exposed organism." So something that is "not toxic" is something that has NO ability to damage an exposed organism. Another word for such a thing is "safe".

d. Thesaurus.com: Perhaps most pertinently, the primary synonym for "non-toxic" is "harmless" and the short definition is "not injurious or dangerous". The full list of synonyms is "controllable, disarmed, gentle, guiltless, hurtless, innocent, innocuous, innoxious, inoffensive, inoperative, kind, manageable, naive, nonirritating, nontoxic, painless, paper-tiger, powerless, pussycat, reliable, safe, sanitary, simple, soft, softie, sound, sure, trustworthy, unobjectionable, unoffensive". [Emphasis added] The antonyms are "bad, destructive, evil, harmful, hurtful, injurious, sinful, wicked".

So, just to be clear, when someone, anyone says something is "not toxic", what they mean is that it is SAFE. This is always the case, even if they flap their arms wildly about . . . for reasons that only they can provide.

Always happy to help.

Mr. Dictionary

CPSIA - At First, I Thought The Onion Was Trying to be Funny. . . .

I think this is a parody, not a real news report. At least I think so. . . .

News Report: Majority Of Government Doesn't Trust Citizens Either
May 19, 2010 ISSUE 46•20

Senators protest against a public they say has become too bloated to efficiently populate the country.

WASHINGTON—At a time when widespread polling data suggests that a majority of the U.S. populace no longer trusts the federal government, a Pew Research Center report has found that the vast majority of the federal government doesn't trust the U.S. populace all that much either.

According to the poll—which surveyed members of the judicial, legislative, and executive branches—9 out of 10 government officials reported feeling "disillusioned" by the populace and claimed to have "completely lost confidence" in the citizenry's ability to act in the nation's best interests.

"All the vitriol and partisan bickering in Congress has caused most Americans to form negative opinions of the U.S. government," Pew researcher Amy Ratner said. "However, over the same time period, the government has likewise grown wary of U.S. citizens, largely due to their utter lack of foresight, laziness, and overall incompetence."

Added Ratner, "And the fact that American Idol is still the No. 1 show on television doesn't exactly make our government burst with confidence."

Out of 100 U.S. senators polled, 84 said they don't trust the U.S. populace to do what is right, and 79 said Americans are not qualified to do their jobs. Ninety-one percent of all government officials polled said they find citizens to be every bit as irresponsible, greedy, irrational, and selfishly motivated as government officials are.

Moreover, according to nearly 100 percent of respondents, Wal-Mart.

"It makes complete sense for Americans to lose faith in a government that has allowed lobbyists and special interests to take over Washington," Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid (D-NV) told reporters. "That being said, you could see why Washington might likewise lose faith in a populace that apparently still suspects that its president is a secret Muslim who was not born in the United States."

Citing the billions of dollars wasted annually on flavored water and boneless buffalo wings, the number of drunk-driving deaths each year, and the lack of citizen accountability for the rise of Kim Kardashian, government officials registered extremely low opinions of the American people overall.

"This is the same American populace that failed to prevent us from deregulating the banks that almost caused a complete economic meltdown last year," Sen. Jim Bunning (R-KY) said. "Year after year, they elect terrible officials who make terrible decisions on their behalf. The fact that I, Jim Bunning, am a two-term U.S. senator really shows you just how far Americans have gone off the rails."

"I wouldn't trust anyone who voted me into office," he added.

Government skepticism is not confined to legislators, though. A cross-sampling of the U.S. Supreme Court found that only 1 in 9 justices believe the general populace to be ethical. Their confidence that the American people can resist consuming the newest Burger King sandwich just because it's there or at least keep it to one a week has also fallen to a 10-year low.

"They can't even fill out their census forms, for crying out loud," Gov. Butch Otter of Idaho said. "It's only 10 questions long. We're not talking about taking the SATs here. Jesus Christ, don't get me started on the SATs."

One typical respondent, President Barack Obama, said he found it hard to trust the judgment of U.S. citizens after recent events, including their decision to elect a president who promised health care reform and then come out against health care reform.

"How can I have hope for a nation that regularly protests tax cuts that directly benefit them?" Obama said. "Look, I'm not always perfect at my job, either, but I think I could make a halfway coherent comment on a YouTube video if I had to. Isn't that basically all they do?

Added Obama, "At this point, the only positive thing I can say about the American people is that I'm pretty sure they've never rigged an election in their favor."

CPSIA - So What's the Problem? New CPSIA Product Ideas.

This bike is made of pure titanium - no lead!




Something cute for the nursery? Be sure to ask for the GCC!




"Safe Sleep" initiative candidate. Just watch out for the sharp points.

CPSIA - Lowest Common Neurosis

I have a new legal standard for the CPSC in its continuing effort to make everyone so, so, SOOOO safe: the "Lowest Common Neurosis". Under this innovative legal standard, our safety agency would reset its legal standards and reissue 2500 pages of rules every time a ridiculous news article appears touting a poorly-conceived, made-up phobia relating to children's products. There are so many examples to think of, from cadmium jewelry (thanks, AP!) to Zhu Zhu Pets with lethal noses to the latest craze, making hourly employees at the checkout counter cough up General Conformity Certificates on the spot.

Hadn't heard of that one yet? This is the latest craze sweeping the nation, thoughtfully brought to our attention by the Dallas CBS affiliate on May 10. Their report begins ominously: "Mindee Haas buys plenty of toys for her 15-month-old daughter Sophia. Haas, 33, says she usually trusts those toys are safe, but her trust is fading after a recent run of toy recalls."

Ah, the "recent run of toy recalls". And those were what, precisely??? I think the crack CBS "investigator" is referring to the recalls in 2007/8. They certainly couldn't be referring to recent recalls because toy recall rates have fallen precipitously. According to data from the CPSC website, there have been a grand total of nine recalls through April 15 of this year (one alleged injury, from laceration) and only 32 in 2009 (20 alleged injuries and one death, none from lead). This is very low by historical standards. Of the 3 billion toys estimated sold per year in our country, only 4,530,860 were recalled in 2009 over 32 recalls. The total units recalled this year is 888,680 through April 15. This amounts to a recall of approximately 1 in 1,000 toys sold (in other words, 99.9% toys were NOT recalled in 2009/10).

I guess a crisis is whatever CBS Dallas says it is.

Apparently not satisfied with creating a scare about imaginary recalls, the CBS affiliate continues to intone, quoting the mom: "'I don't want [my daughter] to be a lab rat at home,' said Haas 'There are so many things in toys these days that we just don't know the effects of them long term and that's what's scary.' Toy after toy has been yanked off the shelves deemed unsafe for children."

To "investigate", CBS decided to find evidence of toy safety. They chose the low budget route and opted to NOT test toys, perhaps fearing that the toys would pass (and then what would they be able to say?). Instead, Matahari-like, "CBS 11 News went undercover inside the most popular toy stores to see if they had the certificates for their toys."

Frankly, if I still had a sense of humor about this awful law and its devastating consequences, I might find this rather amusing. I don't. Here's what CBS did, in their own words:

"Employees at both stores and even a manager said this was the first time they heard about safety certificates. 'I have a guest who's wanting to buy a toy she says she was told that you can get a certificate printed out something that says there's been a lead recall or not,' asked a Target employee 'It shows if the toy has been tested for lead.' We waited as the employee got an answer from her manager, 'Do you know anything about that?' Manager: 'No I have never heard that we don't have certificate.'" Incredibly, the checkout person at Babies R Us and Toys R Us also did not have a copy of the company's safety files right there for inspection. Whoa!

I think this is CBS's hidden camera video of their investigation:



CBS was able to get some great insights on the problem from a SMU Marketing professor. He thinks the stores are blowing it. "'Not only is it important to have [the GCCs], but you could use [the certificates] to market your store,' explained [Dan] Howard 'You could advertise the fact that we have it!' When asked how difficult he thought it was to simply know about the certificates Howard responded 'Not difficult at all!'"

Dan Howard says it's not difficult at all to have checkout counter access to GCCs at Target, TRU and all other U.S. retail outlets for children's products. Well that settles it! I sense a new rule a-comin'!

And how does Mom feel about the CBS findings? I think she articulates our new Lowest Common Neurosis rather well: "'Just not knowing if the companies are being responsible enough to know what's in their products that's what's concerning,'" said Haas. She says she will stick to going to her mom and pop shops for the time being."

Anyone want to kick in for a national Xanax fund?

CPSIA - But Who Will Test the Test Lab Testing Testers???

Demonstrating that creative, innovative flair we look for in our regulatory agencies, the CPSC has just announced its discovery of a much-needed new testing protocol, the test lab testing tester. Okay, so you say someone's been playing with their clacker balls a bit too much, but heck, they gotta know what they're doing, right?

Embedded deep in the impressively long 160-pager entitled "Proposed Rule: Testing and Labeling Pertaining to Product Certification, April 1, 2010", the CPSC reveals that there's trouble in La-La-Land over variances between lab tests performed at different certified labs: "Another comment noted that variations in sample preparation by conformity assessment bodies can and do lead to differing test results. One comment, noting lab-to-lab variations in test results for the same product, suggested that CPSC should require CPSC-recognized third party conformity assessment bodies to conduct blind correlation studies and lab audits."

Oy vey, what do people EXPECT? The CPSC can't help out on every niggling problem: "The Commission's limited resources preclude CPSC from directly conducting verification of the numerous CPSC recognized conformity assessment bodies. Additionally, the activities and requirements for accrediting conformity assessment bodies are outside the scope of this rulemaking."

Case closed?

Au contraire, Pierre! This CPSC will face down every challenge! They ain't no teething tiger any more, they are a Lion of Safety now, so they came up with the perfect rule to resolve this dilemma. After all, lest we forget, you CAN'T be too safe! Here's what they came up with:

"Proposed § 1107.24(a) would state that a manufacturer is responsible for verifying that its children's products, as tested by a third party conformity assessment body, comply with applicable children's product safety rules. For purposes of proposed § 1107.24, "verification" would mean testing that demonstrates that the test results from one third party conformity assessment body are consistent with the test results from another third party conformity assessment body for a particular children's product. Proposed § 1107.24(a) would require a manufacturer to send samples of a previously certified children's product or a children's product that previously has been tested periodically pursuant to proposed § 1107.21 to a third party conformity assessment body for verification.

. . . . Proposed § 1107.24(b) would require verification to occur on a reoccurring basis and be conducted at a frequent enough interval to provide a high degree of assurance that the children's product that had been certified previously continues to comply with the applicable children's product safety rules or that the periodic test for the children's product was performed correctly."

]Emphasis most enthusiastically added.]

This is GENIUS! Thank heavens we have the CPSC to protect us. Who else would have spotted this terrible and threatening gap in our consumer safety network? But having added this new layer of "protection", aren't other safety holes now visible? I call on the CPSC to bring out rules clarifying:

• Certification of testing testers;
• Certification of testing tester testing testers (you need those, too);
• Certification of testing tester testing certifiers;
• Rules for tolerable variances among testing labs for each certified test, record keeping on all test results and variances for at least 100 years, and plans of remediation for every conceivable variance for each possible test under all conceivable circumstances;
• Rules for a new agency to check all the work of the CPSC and to reconsider and rewrite every rule they have ever written, plus record keeping and hearings and comment periods for this new agency;

I think the new agency to check the work of the CPSC should be called the Consumer Product Safety Commission Checking Commission for Safety Enhancement and Verification Processes (CPSCCCSEVP), you know, for simplicity. Gotta keep it simple and efficient. That's my motto!

[For more pleasure reading on this important topic, don't miss the 110-page Staff briefing or the equally riveting 29-page Slide Presentation for the April 15 Commission meeting on the same topic. Happy reading!]

CPSIA - The Long-g-g-g-g Wait is Over!

The long-awaited test standard for clacker balls is FINALLY here! At only 16 pages, it's a mere trifle of a test standard but - believe me - it's packed with goodness.

And if you're one of those people who stays up late at night, fretting over how to find a testing company properly qualified to test your clacker balls, you can rest easy now - this godsend of a standard addresses that exact dilemma! Third party assessment of clacker balls has been identified by Congress as ESSENTIAL to restore America's confidence in the clacker ball industry. Clacker ball safety - that's change you can believe in!

These steps are long overdue, particularly in light of panic over imported clacker balls which may be prone to off-tempo clacking.

Of course, not every lab is qualified to test your clacker balls. A Third Party Clacker Ball Conformity Assessment Body (we call them "test labs", but you should probably call them TPCBCAB's) needs to be accredited in the Clacker Sciences before any General Conformity Certificate would be acceptable. As if this weren't obvious . . . . For high-volume clacker ball manufacturers, the CPSC has thoughtfully provided special rules for money-saving Firewalled Clacker Ball Conformity Assessment Bodies (FCBCABs, not to be confused with a TPCBCABs). So you have options!

Fortunately, the CPSC saw the crisis in clacker ball safety coming and POURED money from its annual $118 million budget into its clacker ball department, hiring squads of Ph.D.'s skilled in clackerology - just file a Section 15 report and see how quickly they clack your balls like never before! And to protect our borders, the CPSC beefed up its atrophied team of Field Clacker Ball Inspectors (FCBIs). To combat clacking marauders, the CPSC staged FCBIs at each domestic port, alert and poised to protect America against contraband balls.

Does anyone think it's ironic that there are no clacker ball recalls listed on the CPSC website? Okay, the agency has only been protecting us since 1972 - that's only 38 years - but still, no clacker ball recalls? Clearly the absence of recalls proves the need for more vigilant clacker ball testing is URGENT. The public's relief at a re-energized CPSC, ready to oversee our every clack, is palpable. No longer a toothless tiger, this CPSC has become a snarling, clacking . . . something.

So, worry not America, your clacker balls will be safe again for many hours of happy clacking!

Just don't forget - when you play with your balls, always ask for lead-free. You CAN'T be too safe . . . .

CPSIA - 50 Rhinestones, with Apologies to Paul Simon

This was submitted as a comment to one of my blogs on rhinestones. It's too good to waste as a mere comment. Enjoy!


Just don’t eat those 50 rhinestones…

(With apologies to Paul Simon)

"The problem is all because of lead", she said to me
The answer is clear just not commonsensically
I'd like to help you as you move to be lead free
Just don’t eat those 50 rhinestones…

We asked for guidance ‘cause we don’t want to be sued
CPSIA’s no help; its meaning can be misconstrued.
She just repeated, at the risk of being crude,
just don’t eat those 50 rhinestones…
Please don’t eat those 50 rhinestones.

Don’t have them for a snack, Jack
Don’t put them in a pan, Stan
Don’t soak them in soy, Roy
You should be lead free
Pretend they are pus, Gus
You don't need to taste much
Don’t put ‘em in your tea, Lee
You should be lead free

Don’t have them for a snack, Jack
Don’t put them in a pan, Stan
Don’t soak them in soy, Roy
You should be lead free
Pretend they are pus, Gus
You don't need to taste much
Don’t put ‘em in your tea, Lee
You should be lead free

We told her that the kids all like their bling.

That its safe even when connected by a string.

She just smiled and talked of toys made in Beijing
and warned about the fifty crystals…

She was sure something somewhere would prove her right
Put these stones on stuff and someone will indict
And then I realized it had become a new sound bite
To Say ‘Don’t eat those 50 rhinestones’…
Please don’t eat those 50 rhinestones.

Don’t have them for a snack, Jack
Don’t put them in a pan, Stan
Don’t soak them in soy, Roy
You should be lead free
Pretend they are pus, Gus
You don't need to taste much
Don’t put ‘em in your tea, Lee
You should be lead free

Don’t have them for a snack, Jack
Don’t put them in a pan, Stan
Don’t soak them in soy, Roy
You should be lead free
Pretend they are pus, Gus
You don't need to taste much
Don’t put ‘em in your tea, Lee
You should be lead free

- anonymous

CPSIA - How to Know if the CPSC is Going to Pull a "Daiso" on You

What are the warning signs that you are about to be "Daiso'ed"?

Of course, I refer to the CPSIA penalty recently inflicted on Daiso, a Japanese dollar store chain, in relation to five recalls (of 698 units spread over 19 items in a two-year period) and some inventory stopped at U.S. ports. The Daiso penalty, in case you missed it, was a mere $2.05 million in small bills, about 10% less than Mattel suffered for inciting the CPSIA and nearly double the penalty inflicted on RC2 who also gave a helping hand to bringing the CPSIA to life.

OMG, this could happen to you and me, too! How can we tell if we have wandered into such treacherous waters? I suggest that you use this handy chart denoting the stages of anger at the CPSC. Of particular concern are "Masked Anger" and "Retaliatory".

If they ever get to "Explosive", it's time to mortgage the house. I think a garage sale might just inflame things further . . . .