CPSIA - Essay Contest or . . . Detention Punishment?

I know what you are thinking: how can I channel all this excess energy I have? What could really soak up a lot of time, and provide intellectual stimulation at the very same time? It can be so frustrating to have oodles of time and nothing to do . . . .

Luckily for you, the Society for Standards Professionals (SES) have a contest for you to enter. It's their 2011 World Standards Day Paper Competition. The topic for your award-winning essay must meet this description: “'Advancing Safety and Sustainability Standards Worldwide,' recognizes that issues of safety and sustainability are important causes for stakeholders around the world, from alternative energies and environmental protection to the safety of products, services, homes, and workplaces. As governments, organizations, and individuals alike strive to address these transnational challenges, globally relevant standards provide the technological and scientific foundations that drive health, safety, and environmental innovation."

Okay, I know that's not English, but heck, they are Standards engineers. What did you expect?

The project might have died there . . . but fortunately, my trade association, the Toy Industry Association, provided outstanding translation services so we could all get in on the fun:

"As recently reported to TIA members, the U.S. Celebration of World Standards Day 2011 taking place on October 13, 2011 in Washington, D.C. includes a unique opportunity for toy industry stakeholders to describe (in writing) the crucial role that global toy safety standards serve in protecting children today and for future generations … and take home some fantastic cash prizes!" [Emphasis added[

Now, that's a Rockin' n Rollin' idea for you. The crucial role of Global Toy Safety Standards - I love it! Of course, the contest also sounds like some sort of detention punishment. "Now write 'Safety is nice' on the chalkboard 100 times in neat handwriting!" Well, Mr. Grumbler, life is how you choose to look at it, so stop moaning and get to work. You'll never win the big prize by feeling sorry for yourself.

Here are a few suggested winning essay titles. I would welcome any other ideas you have because I want one of my readers to WIN that cash prize!

a. "Cadmium-for-Lead: How Global Standards Set Me Straight!"

b. "What?! No One Told Me Small Parts Were Bad! ANSI to the Rescue."

c. "If It's Illegal Here, It Must Be Illegal Everywhere. Waste Haulers Laud New Global Toy Safety Standards."

d. "Let Me Chew on That. . . . Global Toy Standards Finally Regulate Common Sense!"

e. "Never Heard of Selenium? ANSI Has . . . Thank G-d."

f. "Shards of Glass No More. Global Toy Standards Stand Tall!"

g. "There Are New Global Toy Standards? Somebody Should Tell Our Firewalled Test Lab."