Sunday, March 15, 2009

CPSIA - It's All in the Pleasure Centers!

I have received some thought-provoking responses to my posts. I recently posted a spread called our Future World Collection in a blogpost called "Visions of the Future", and much to my surprise, several people commented to me about the use of gloves in the photos illustrating the catalog spread. Of course, our idea is that children would not be sufficiently protected against "danger" unless we erect further barriers against pathogens, and what could be safer than elbow-length gloves (and masks, goggles and safety suits)? Nonetheless, concerned citizens expressed their worries that there might be phthalates in the gloves, and some even questioned my judgment in displaying something this "reckless".

Now, now - would I do something so terrible?! Come on, guys, give me a break. Let me explain - Congress has already sorted this out. Whew! At the Congressional Peer-Reviewed Scientific Study Skunkworks (CPRSSS), legions of serious Safety Scientists doing serious scientific things have determined that phthalates are ONLY worrisome if used in "toys" (and childcare items). "Toys" are defined under CPSIA Section 108(e)(1(B) as a consumer product designed or intended for a child 12 years old or younger for use when the child PLAYS. In other words, phthalates in an object pose NO danger unless a child is supposed to be playing with the object! The CPRSSS scientists were able to determine that phthalates apparently are only active when a child's pleasure centers are directly in use, and if the child is not having fun, phthalates pose no threat. That was a great clarification, I think.

Fortunately, as anyone can tell you that has cleaned out a garbage disposal trap or worked in a medical office, rubber gloves are no fun. You don't "play" with rubber gloves, so even if they are made of pure phthalates, they would be TOTALLY SAFE under the groundbreaking CPSIA! Even when used in conjunction with a real toy, the gloves themselves pose no health risk because they are not intended by the manufacturer to be used in play - the phthalates are rendered safe by the manufacturer's intent! Thank heavens that the law was cleared with the scientists at CPRSSS so that nothing got mucked up when the law was written. Finally, we are safe, safe, safe.

I hope this has reassured you. Guys, you can trust me. We would never portray our products in any dangerous way. The spread for our Future World Collection was carefully vetted for compliance with law and safety. With the CPSIA to guide us, there is nothing to worry about!



sassypackrat said...


Anonymous said...'re a riot! Thanks for the laugh!

With friendship,

Louise-OSET said...

Dear Sir,
I did think those gloves were very dangerous also. What if those poor children have latex allergies, or blew them up and swallowed the little pieces after they popped. (I saw that on ER before, you know). How dare you add to the risks of lead and phthalate poisoning, with latex and choking hazards!,
Yours truly, with heap loads of sarcasm and a really bad sense of humour,
PS Now don’t let those kids suck on any motorbikes either! Really dangerous!

Rick Woldenberg, Chairman - Learning Resources Inc. said...

The gloves shown in our catalog spread are nitrile gloves, entirely latex-free. I have no idea if they have phthalates in them but certainly no latex.

Wacky Hermit said...

legions of serious Safety Scientists doing serious scientific things have determined that phthalates are ONLY worrisome if used in "toys" (and childcare items).

Yes, but did they wear lab coats while doing serious scientific things? It is vitally important that these tests not only be done by 100% certified scientists, but that the scientists also be wearing lab coats. You see, if they don't wear lab coats, they can't be real scientists. The world is awash in fake scientists posing as real ones to take your money, but only the real ones wear lab coats. I know this because I saw it on TV.

Well, OK, it was a DVD of Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog. And it didn't really say anything about fake scientists. But it's true!