Courtesy of my friend Kathleen, here is the world's first safety tree! As described in The Times Online, this holiday marvel was designed to be oh-so-safe:
"The 33ft structure turned out to be [the town's] Christmas tree, designed according to the principles of health and safety, circa 2009. Thus it has no trunk so it won’t blow over, no branches to break off and land on someone’s head, no pine needles to poke a passer-by in the eye, no decorations for drunken teenagers to steal and no angel, presumably because it would need a dangerously long ladder to place it at the top."
The town fathers who dreamt this up in Poole, Dorset had only the best intentions. A real tree was deemed too dangerous: “People think you can just go into the woods, chop down a tree and put it up in the high street but if it blows over and kills someone then somebody is liable,” said the town center manager.
Necessity being the mother of invention, the town mobilized to solve the safety problem:
"Last year Poole boasted a Norwegian fir draped with strings of coloured lights. It cost £500 and continued a decades-old tradition. The replacement, which is constructed on a metal frame overlaid with what appears to be artificial grass, cost £14,000 and comes with built-in fairy lights and hidden speakers to play Christmas tunes that will put shoppers in the festive mood. But the only mood apparent among shoppers who saw the tree yesterday was a bad one."
Oh come on, some people have no sense of humor: "Trish Glover, whose shop overlooks the cone, said: 'I prefer a Christmas tree, not a big wizard’s hat or a lump of astroturf or something that belongs in the roadworks.'”
Well, bah humbug to you, we can't forget about safety, now can we? "Christmas trees are one of the most hazardous objects in the home, according to the Royal Society for the Prevention of Accidents. In 2002, the most recent year for which statistics are available, 1,000 people needed hospital treatment for injuries inflicted by trees. They ranged from being poked in the eye to back injuries caused by moving the trees around."
Where's Henry Waxman when you need him?! Calling Henry, calling Henry!!!
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2 comments:
If you're afraid of Christmas trees you really have no business leaving your bubble.
I bet there are many more significant kitchen accidents during the holiday seasons than tree accidents. Should we all therefore eat turkey flavored space sticks to avoid cuts and burns?
LIVING involves risks. The only way to eliminate risk is to eliminate LIVING.
The hyper-phobics of the world need to stop trying to infect the rest of us with their disease.
Infect us with phobia is exactly what I believe the CPSIA does. Rather than build confidence in the market place, I believe it is making people fear that anything they touch may be dangerous. OMG books are rotting my childs brain! OMG bicycles are toxic! OMG our clothing is poisonous!
Rather than allay irrational fears our government is fostering them. We've gone from "The only thing we have to fear is fear itself" to "You must fear everything or you won't be safe."
The Democrats are leading this "fear everything" charge. I voted for them in the last election. If they don't pull their head out of the sand soon I won't be able to vote for them again. At this point I am utterly disgusted with them and don't trust anything further that they do.
Mars...
I agree 100% with your post/reply. However, what in God's name would make you vote Democrat in the election and within less than a year of these bozos being in office have such a strong view against them. As a conservative/Republican, I commend you and emplore you to cross the aisle.
You're right on point with your views of the CPSIA joke we are faced with, but people like you are ones that put the idiots in office putting us in this situation.
See you in 3 years!
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